The following is a police transcript(?)

Blue police siren in a dark room

The following is a police transcript. At least, the following is part of one. I’ve managed to acquire it through means that I will never disclose. Okay, I suppose I can give hints. It involved a poker game in which I lost horribly, and a metal bat I always keep in handy.

Anyway, the transcript details part of an interrogation of a young adult male. He had knowledge of an image that was allegedly vital to proving an online groomer guilty. I will not disclose any names, out of respect for privacy. Well, the transcript didn’t have the cop’s name in the first place. I can say that the boy’s name is pretty embarrassing, but that’s for me to know and you to find out.

The following is the police transcript in question.

Cop: Damn it, [name], why don’t you just spill the beans?!

Boy: I’m well past the stage of my life where I need to have that asshole in my life. Besides, if you were in my position, you would hesitate to say anything, too!

Cop: Look, kid. You’re not in trouble.

Boy: Is it not illegal in this state to look at porn, as a minor? I was a minor! And I had looked at porn!

Cop: Please, we don’t enforce that. Hell, they could’ve sent you a link, and it would’ve been nothing compared to what they’ve done.

Boy: If you’re not busy after catching them, you’d be happy to know they got creeped on, too. Just a matryoshka doll of weirdos.

Cop: We’ll get to that later; don’t distract us. Just tell me.

Boy: Hrm.

Cop: Kid. I know that, in your head, the image of an orgy exists. All we know is that this orgy picture was allegedly imitated by the suspect. Once we know what it looks like, we can search for it and use it as circumstantial evidence.

Boy: What’s in it for me?

Cop: Five bucks.

Boy: The years of trauma I’ve experienced on Twitter is worth a lot more than five bucks.

Cop: Fifty bucks.

Boy: Alright, fine. I have a phone bill due soon.

Cop: Perfect. Take it away, sir.

Boy: (sigh) Foghorn Leghorn-


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